My doctor just asked me if I knew my sperm count..
I didn't realize they were that clever.
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Hi, fellas! I created this thread for us to share a few laughs, something to lighten up the day when the fish aren't biting, or you just needed something that would put a smile on you after a rough day at sea. Feel free to share your own jokes or humorous stories as well.
Let me start this up with a few jokes I heard from some of my buddies:
I ordered giant duck at a fancy restaurant the other day..
The bill was huge!
waterdog101 liked this post
My doctor just asked me if I knew my sperm count..
I didn't realize they were that clever.
Why are earthquakes always found guilty?
Because they are at fault.
this young man hadn't seen his grandpa in a few years, and sense they both like to fish, the grandson went to visit his old grandpa, that lived in the back country and near some good fishing, he arrived at grandpa's around noon, they got caught up on some lost time and grandpa fixed some food before they went fishing, when the boy started to eat he noticed his plate had old dried food on the edge of it, so he said grandpa my plate isn't clean, it has a dirty spot on it, grandpa said son thats as clean as cold water can get it, so he ate and they fished until dark, came home at bed time, next morning when the boy awoke, grandpa was up early fixing breakfast, as grandpa placed the food on the table, the boy noticed his plate wasn't clean, so again he said grandpa this plate isn't clean, grandpa said son i told you it's as clean as cold water can get it, so he ate and off fishing they went, they got back to grandpa's place early afternoon, the boy said grandpa i had a wonderful time, but i need to get started back home, it's a long drive, so he loaded up and started to leave and noticed grandpa's old dog under his jeep, he yelled at grandpa to call his dog from under his jeep, and grandpa clapped his hands and yelled, come here Coldwater...
A man working for the state, needed to cross this old farmers field, he parked his truck and started to climb the locked gate into the farmers field, the old farmer saw him and ran out to warn him not to cross that field, the state worker was all about his job authority and just snapped at the old farmer, without listening to what the old farmer was saying, you see this badge, this badge says I can go anywhere on your property I please, and crossed the gate and headed across the field, just before he reached the center of the field, he looked and there was a huge black bull headed straight at him, he turned and while running as fast as he could back toward the gate, he yelled for the old farmer, and the old farmer yelled back to the state guy and said, show him your card, show him your card...
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A man thinks that his wife is losing her hearing. He asks their family doctor about it and the doctor tells him so that they in order for them to gauge how bad it is that he should say something to his wife in normal speaking voice and if she doesn't hear him keep moving closer and asking again until she hears him and answers.
That evening while he is sitting in the living room he calls to his wife who is in the kitchen, "honey what's for supper"? She doesn't answer so he gets up and walks to the and of the room and again asks, "honey what's for supper"? Getting a little more concerned that she again doesn't answer he moves into the kitchen doorway and again asks, "honey what's for supper"? When she doesn't answer this time he is more worried and tiptoes up closer behind her and asks, "honey what's for supper"? His wife finally answers; "for the fourth time, meatloaf".
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A Kentucky couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 30 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Kentucky and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, Texas a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory, following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 14 Oct 2017
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
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