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Thread: Gift wrapping

  1. #1
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    Gift wrapping

    This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthasar and Herb -- went to see the baby Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh"
    These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover an important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention of wrapping paper.

    If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
    "And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper.
    "And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman.
    "And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, `Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!'
    "And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs.
    "And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for example, the frankincense."

    But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:

    1. They were wise.
    2. They were men.

    Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of two guys I know. One is my son, Jason, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it.'' The other is my friend Pete Kay, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift.
    "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Pete said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous spitballs."

    I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I can never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.

    On the other hand, if you give my ex-wife a 12-inch square of wrapping paper, she could wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My ex-wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gave you a gift that requires batteries, she use to wrap the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness, hence my divorce. If it were possible, my ex-wife would wrap each individual volt.

    My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills -- like having babies -- that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am presenting:

    GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN

    Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.

    The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack.

    If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas morning:

    YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
    YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
    YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
    YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
    YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
    YOU: I also got you some myrrh.

    In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.

  2. #2
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    Re: Gift wrapping

    My first thought would have to be, what will you think up once you retire and have more time on your hands? Great post though!! Very funny....

  3. #3
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    Talking Re: Gift wrapping

    Looks like someone has been in the eggnog already. Merry Christmas

  4. #4
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    Re: Gift wrapping

    Time to bump this oldie up.

  5. #5
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    Re: Gift wrapping

    Tyme thinks for finding that again. That was great. My wife read it and was almost in tears.

  6. #6
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    Re: Gift wrapping

    I tell my wife if she wants it to look pretty and neat...She does the wrapping, if not it'll look like a disaster hit it, but it'll be covered with something of course....I have yet had to wrap any of the gifts for X-MAS, except for her's....

  7. #7
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    Re: Gift wrapping

    Tyme you can add me to your survey and that is about a 50% increase. I have taken gifts to the check out and asked to have them wrapped and been told we don't gift wrap and I said I don't either left the stuff on the counter and walked out.

    Good post.

  8. #8
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    Re: Gift wrapping: Tyme to bring up again

    Thought it was time to bump this up again.

  9. #9
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    Re: Gift wrapping

    Funny stuff...much of it is dead on the money too.

  10. #10
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    Time for Tyme to bump for the new folks.

  11. #11
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    UN-WRAPPING Gifts

    When I was a kid I could not stand a Christmas Tree with wrapped goodies underneath that had my name on them. Whether it was at my house or my Grandparents house, my Mom and Grandma's loved to wrap gifts. Being the mischievous young lad that I am, I learned a way around my issues. All that was needed is a flashlight, razor knife and identical scotch tape used in the initial wrapping. In the middle of the night when all are asleep you find your way to the tree. Take a gift with my name on it a d carefully cut the scotch tape from one end of the package. Just make a slit across the fold across the tape. Unfold the paper to reveal the end of the box so you can read the name of what is inside. In case of the standard issue generic box with clothes inside, take same razor knife and cut box flap open to look inside. Either way, fold paper back over end and carefully apply a new piece of scotch tape over the old cut piece to reseal the box.

    I did this for several years and some 20 years after the fact did I tell my parents that I did this. Make sure you tell your kids so they may be challenged to try it

  12. #12
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    FANTASTIC.................So true and so many things said.

    Rob you have been in that Woodford hard lately, LMAO

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