Middle Wife

[MsgMills]

Thought everyone would love to have a good laugh today...So I'm posting this for you....


Middle Wife



The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model
airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never,
ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it
in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, ver y outgoing
kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a
pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother,
and I'm going to tell you about his birthday'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put
a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her
in amazement.

'Then, about two Sa t urdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,
Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked
around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing
a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't
have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie
down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the
wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case
he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming
water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the mid d le wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe,
breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all
of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that
they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be
a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's
show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle
Wife' comes along..

Now you have two choices...laugh and close this page or pass this along
to someone else to spread the laughs.

[Tim_T]

That is very funny Mills. Can't wait for the wife to get home and show it to her. Thanks for sharing.

[bassin_bug]

That is hilarious; I laughed until tears were running down my face. Thanks!