Your favorite Chuck Norris jokes

[Tim_T]

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

[RoadToad]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.

[CMorg]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him

[greenriverman1]

I think you folks realy need to go hunting or fishing. You have way too much time on your hands!

[sam8772]

Did you know Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer? Too bad becuase he never cries!!!!

[RICHYD4U]

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents everytime he listens to a song.

-Rich

[lil skeeter]

I think you folks realy need to go hunting or fishing. You have way too much time on your hands!

chuck norris doesnt go hunting and fishing............... chuck goes killin and catchin...

[RICHYD4U]

You have way too much time on your hands!

You mean Chuck has allowed us to borrow his time to put in our hands.

-Rich

[patrick_campbell17]

yea well before chuck norris goes to bed every night, he checks under his bed for me!!!!