My son,Jeffrey, ate all my chocolate chip cookies!! ****,it Jeffrey!! I think Jeff was 5 years old before he realized his first name wasn't ****-it. He ate an entire carton two nights ago so I got out my hidden stash and **** if he didn't eat all those too,minus the three I consumed. Damnit Jeffrey!!

I don't know if it will have any effect, but I had a "talk" with my 31 year old son tonight after I discovered my tragic loss and told him that if he's hungry to fix a **** peanut butter sandwich and leave my cookies alone. You don't make a meal out of my cookies. Look in the fridge for all the left overs and leave my cookies alone.
DAMNIT JEFFREY!!!