The Run for Governor

The Run for Governor

Lately, I have been thinking about running for Governor, and a few thoughts have been flooding my brain. Our people are under fire, our children are before political cannons, and their blood flows upon the land. Our government lies to its people and our country is in a political war. There are people with smiles on the faces who use words like bullets. It is hard to say who to blame or to which the riffle aims, and we sure in hell can’t pronounce any of their names. Our freedoms are under siege, and there is a lot of dirty water flowing under the bridge. There are accusations of exaggerations, distortions of misinterpretations, and confusion among the misinformed. Be aware of a powerful media supporting its own agenda, and men who speak from both sides of their mouth, but muttering not the truth.

The world has come to us. Peoples of the world now look into our window, knock on our doors, and walk down our streets. No longer do we know our neighbors. Men’s ability to see, understand and utilize righteous wisdom rots in the infectious evils of mankind. We are a wasteful people without vision, and in the end, all wealth will turn to dust. It is time to question our nation’s priorities. Be aware of people who make their own interpretations to fit their own objectives, principles and goals. In science, health, and technology, we live in an information explosion worldwide, and yet we are empty, lonely and searching for meaning to life. Our poor stay poor, our hungry stay hungry, our needy stay needy, but the building of shrines continues, and the cries of the needy still go unheard. It’s time for new faces, and men of true grit to stand up and be counted for their service to this State. There is urgency to my request so hear me out.

I will be using a code name and eye-recognition when in correspondence due to the sensitive nature of this request, and the fact my security team is underfunded and limited due to budget cuts. The fact that my name is highly recognizable and for the fact that certain individuals would love to get wind of my plans, makes it necessary for me to be extremely cautious. The reason I am writing to you, I need some sound advice as to how I can win the voting public’s trust and stay true to my constituents. As far as my qualifications, my greatest accomplishment to this point has been my research in “Why Pig Feed is not for Chickens.” I did take an elementary course in “Pig Raising” in my freshman year of college, which left me with some idea as to what it was all about. I agree this is not a subject in demand for a politician, but don’t forget, I was a superstar basketball player not long ago, which greatly fills the gaps for lost education. Of course, it took a little practice before I could recognize a premium porker when I saw one. Some will tell you to never buy the runts of a piglet crop, even if the offered purchase price sounds like a bargain because too many "tail enders" never grow worth a hoot, but that’s not true. It has been well documented the smallest of runts can end up being the best in the litter with “runt regeneration”, but I will leave this subject to another time.

So to counter this lack of accomplishment in my personal life, my political advisors have strongly advised me to organize all the hog ranchers in state to vote for me because a guy who can control the mind of a pig is revered as the salt of the earth and will know how to control the minds his constituents. Just member, the smell of rose blossoms is just as sweet to the criminal as it is to the saint, and judging others is permissible if you’re judging from hell. I might point out that the dirt that falls from the boots of past government leaders is enough to fill a garden and falls before doors where it is most not welcome. However, it’s the “pork” that gets the vote, if you know what I mean.

I think the future looks bright for me because when it comes to chewing the fat, hog fat that is, I am pretty darn good. I have been told you can whisper into a hog’s ear and get him to do most anything you want him to do. I truly know how to distribute the sweet smell of pork to gain a vote. Maybe I should call this campaign the “Pork Barreled Campaign.” If you have noticed, I have practicing twisting terminology just to start confusing people. Seems to be working.

I guess in closing if public pressure rises to fever pitch level to run for Governor, I would appreciate your vote. Just remember, there is more in life than being able to dribble between your legs. As they say, “the sweet cream always makes its way to the top.” Be “Kentucky Proud! There is a great day coming. As the Cable Guy says… “Let’s getter done.”

Bonefish