The Deer Hunt

1:00 am - The alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed.
2:30 am - Throw everything except kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:00 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 a.m - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the darn tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am - "Click."
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45 pm - Rescued!
12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00 pm - Arrive back in camp.
3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer.
4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets.
4:01 pm - Load gun - leave camp again.
5:00 pm - Empty gun on squirrel that's bugging you.
6:00 pm - Arrive at camp - see deer grazing at camp.
6:01 pm - Load gun.
6:02 pm - Fire gun - hit pickup.
6:05 pm - Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06 pm - Repress strong desire to shoot hunting partner.
6:07 pm - Fall in fire.
6:10 pm - Change clothes - throw burned ones in fire.
6:15 pm - Take pickup, leave partner and his deer at camp.
6:25 pm - Pickup boils over - hole shot in block.
6:26 pm - Start walking.
6:30 pm - Stumble and fall - drop gun in the mud.
6:35 pm - Meet deer.
6:36 pm - Take aim.
6:37 pm - Fire gun, blow up - barrel plugged with mud.
6:38 pm - Climb tree.
9:00 pm - Deer departs - wrap gun around tree.
Midnight - Home at last.
Sunday - Watch football on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail to hunting partner with very precise instructions as to what he can do with it.