Long as we're telling stories...

When I was 5, I'd been watching rodeo on TV and decided I was cowboy material. Only problem was we didn't have any cows. At a family gathering at my grandparents place a week later I figgered their 600 pound land razor sow hog was a fine place to get my career off the ground.

While the folks were all up in the yard throwing horseshoes and hanging out on the porch I mixed up a bucket of hog shorts and headed for the pen, my 4 year old cousin, Blake in tow.

I tore a strip off an old feed sack for my rope, dumped a little feed in the trough and scaled the fence. I climbed aboard as the sow chowed down, carefully wrapped my rope around her neck and secured my right hand just like I'd seen on TV. The hog didn't seem to mind a bit long as she was eating, I recon a 5 year old climbing around didn't bother her much.

Blake was hopping around in excitement outside the pen, ready for the show. Must've been quite a sight my skinny little butt astride that giant beast.

Didn't have a cowboy hat, but I had my left hand held out and ready when she finished the small amount of feed and raised her head. When she realized I was up there it was absolutely on. She went nuts!

Round and round she spun whilst I flopped around with my legs clamped to her sides and my left arm flapping. I was hollering at the top of my lungs, partly from pure exhilaration, but mostly from terror. My cousin was cheering and throwing sticks in from the peanut gallery. She couldn't shake me loose so she went over to her shed and tried scraping me off up against it. Yehaw I screamed holding up my leg as 600 pounds of hog rubbed up against that old shed so hard it almost fell.

She gave up on the shed, spun a couple of circles and stopped. She was looking at her wallow in the little branch that ran through the middle of her pen. She took off like rocket for the mud. I bailed out in the dirt about half way there, and bolted for the fence just in case she was holding a grudge.

Grimy from head to foot I danced around and hooted with Blake, both of us trying to do sommersaults, neither big enough to pull it off. After a few minutes I decided that was maybe the funnest thing I ever did, and it was time for round two. We both agreed that when she headed for the mud, that was 'the buzzer' for a full ride.

She was more wary this time, but I still managed to get aboard. She cut up a little, but skipped the shed and bolted for the wallow. I climbed up out of the dirt and this time watched her retreat to the edge of the mud. She stood there looking at me like I was stone crazy. I yelled and pointed at her, letting her know I was indeed an extremely bad hombre. I was a rodeo star and she dang well better show some respect. Then I realized it was quiet. Where was the adoring crowd in my cheering section?

Seems all that noise had attracted unwanted attention. My mama was standing where Blake had been, her jaw hanging open in shock, face white as a ghost. Knowing I was in a tight spot I walked over to the fence. She suddenly came to her senses, reached over and snatched me over the fence by an arm. She gave me the worst butt spanking ever, I didn't think she was ever gonna get tired. She was raining down blows to my hiney so fast it seemed like she'd grown some extra arms.

Mama's will be mama's I guess, but it was a shame for her to put an end to such a promising rodeo career.

Got me ROTFLMAO.....fo sure Hombre.....

LOL! Awesome Awesome Awesome! Raining down blows hahaha...Great story Jim.

Fantastic writing and a great story. Thanks

That is a great story, but my only question is....did you win a belt buckle, or just get the belt LOL!

You kill me Jim, good one for sure.

Were you wearing suitable protective attire? I get a kick out of some of these skate boarders who wear a helet, protecting an empty shell.Helmet

Thanks for the compliments guys. We all have stories like that, be fun to hear some of yours too.

Tim, I was pretty glad she didn't have a belt, prolly would've had a hard time sitting down for a while.

No protective attire Ky, just the uniform I mostly grew up in, a pair of shorts.

Speaking of Rodeo's...When I was about 9 or 10 yrs. old. A yearly Rodeo would come to the County. My family decided to go and check it out. Once there I found out that all the young boys could sign up for a Rodeo all their own on ponies. Well me being the wild buckaroo that ever stomped across the floor wearing all his cowboy attire. I got myself all signed in by my father and I waited anxiously for what seemed like hours. Watching all the Real big time cowboys ride them Hoss's and Bulls. Well It was time for us young cowboys to do our thang and I was drawn out for about 7th or 8th place to ride. I was all excited and as I was watching all the other boys get one and take about 3 jumps out of the gate and fall on the ground. Well I thought not me I'll ride that bucking bronco till the horn sounds and win this here Wild West Rodeo. The boy before me volunteered to ride a pony that another boy decided against riding, he stayed on for the whole 8 seconds and I thought this would be a breeze.... Well it was finally my turn to get on board that wild mustang pony. I got down on his bare back, got ahold of that thar rope connected to his head and tightened my grip up real good see. I gave the guys at the shoot the word that I was ready, they opened the gate and away I went riding this wild bronco. He made a lunge for the left, a jump to the right, a big ole buck and off the left side i go...Straight on my head, all of a sudden found out that cushy looking saw dust wasn't so soft at all.... It plain done hurt like I don't know what......Me being the proud cowboy I was, I got up somehow and wondered back to where my old man was waiting. He told me he was proud and that I was a site to see. I asked how long he thought I stayed on that bronco...My dad replied well, I think you might have lasted about 2 seconds... What 2 seconds, it seemed like an eternity to me....Needless to say I had one of the worst headaches for the next two days a poor ole Cowboy could ever have..... True Story and I'm stickin to it......

haha what about a pic of the young cowboy? LOL!

Good story sarge, there's a cowboy in all of us somewhere. Amazing how long 2 seconds can be when your in the zone.