Countrified expressions

The first time I heard someone say "It's raining like a cow peeing on a flat rock," I about fell out laughing. Then the other day a guy I work with said "It's colder 'en a well-digger's <butt> out there." That's a good one too, and it got me to thinking about all the different expressions there are like that, most of which come from country life, and/or life on the farm. I grew up in the northeast, and even though I heard a lot of them while traveling around working at thoroughbred racetracks (which is how I first came to KY), I know there are a lot more out there I haven't heard, so I thought I'd start a thread and ask y'all to share your favorites. I don't want to be the cause of anybody getting banned, so please keep them clean. I'll start off with a couple others I've heard:

"He's working you like a borrowed mule." (When the boss had given me a lot to do that day)

"That's uglier than a mud fence."

"Useless a teats on a boar hog."

That boy is tougher than a Waffle House steak.

I was madder than a wet hen.

He ain't worth two dead fly's

That was a real Frog Strangler

It's hotter than a two dollar pistol.

I'm to poor to pay attention.

Never trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

He was shakin like a hooker in church

Don't get bowed up now

Run that flag up the pole and see who salutes

That dog don't hunt

She'll slap you bald headed

Even a blind hog finds a nut every now and then

He couldn't pour pee out of boot with the directions on the heel

Like a duck on a June bug

He was shakin like a dog passin 'simmon seeds

She'd make a freight train take a dirt road

She could push a car uphill with a rope

You ain't driving my truck, Boy; I done spent more money on it than I did on your education.

Shut your mouth! What's wrong with you anyway?

Shut the door! You weren't raised in a barn.

It's raining like a cow peeing on a pole bridge.

I'll slap you into the middle of next week.

He's meaner than a red headed step-child.

We may be poor but we're proud.

I told you to stop running the chickens; now go wash your feet.

Boy, I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it.

Stop picking your nose; a booger will bite your finger off.

Go get me a switch, I'm gonna' beat the devil out of you.

Nah, you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a big country.

She's so ugly she needs a paper bag over her head.

Good job, Brownie! (I just couldn't resist).

Her mouth runs faster than a Whipperwills ass in Blueberry time.

That gal fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Dad use to say...Boy, I'll cloud up and rain all over you! Of course it was when I was being good.:)

i am as happy as a tornado in a trailer park.

nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs.

busy as a one armed paper hanger

busy as a cat covering up crap

bout as fun as watching grass grow or paint dry...

As busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Her daddy must have beat her with the ugly stick.

Does a fat dog fart when you kick it? (Intended to confirm an obvious yes)

Smell ya later.

lol

Handier than pockets on a shirt.

Shining like a diamond in a goats butt.

Your about as bright as a blown bulb.

Drop you like a toilet lid.

Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye.

You drive like a one eyed taxi cab driver.

Is you just plain stupid boy?

How am I going to get there, pee in my shoe and float?

I'm as smart as a tree full of owls.

[quote=offdtop;351325]lol

Handier than pockets on a shirt.

Shining like a diamond in a goats butt.

Your about as bright as a blown bulb.

Drop you like a toilet lid.

Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye.

You drive like a one eyed taxi cab driver.

Is you just plain stupid boy?

How am I going to get there, pee in my shoe and float?

I'm as smart as a tree full of owls.[/quote]

LOL! Drop you like a toilet lid! That's funny right there.:D

Cobra you just got this one zapped, lol. Dude, read the help Dave post, lol.