Need a Valentine Card?

A Redneck Valentine

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue

and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze

Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excites me in May

You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan

Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can

You have som'a yore teeth, for which I am proud

I hold my head high when we're in a crowd

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms

Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know

What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man

To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can

Yo're as cute as a junebug jist a-buzzin' overhead

You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt

You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt

When you hold me real tight like a padded gun rack

My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'

Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank

We go together like a skunk goes with stank

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day

They git it at Wal-Mart, it's more romantic that way

Some men git roses on that special day

From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say

Some men buy diamonds from a flea market booth

"Diamonds are forever," they explain,with some suave and some couth

But for this man, honey, these just won't do

Cause yo're too special, you sweet lil' thang you

I got you a gift, without no taste or odor

More useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!