My wife and I...

I was in the bar with my wife last night and I said, “I love you.”

She said, “Is that you or the beer talking?”

I replied, “It's me talking to the beer.”




A guy said to me once, "My wife's an angel". I replied, "You lucky stiff, mine's still alive".




My wife asked me to take out the garbage once. told her "you cooked it, you take it out". She never asked me to do that again. Of course now I do my own cooking. Wish I could hold my tongue better.



My wife asked me why I keep forgetting my mistakes. I told her because there is no use in both of us remembering the same thing.


Nothing is too good for my Wife
And that's exactly what I get her for birthdays,Mother's day, Christmas,etc....





My wife asked my "If I die, would you ever get remarried?"

I said " You think I'm stupid enough to make the same mistake twice?"



Yesterday, I woke up mean and grumpy. This morning, I let her sleep.

My wife and I have disovered the secret to a happy marriage...we eat out two times a week. She goes on Monday and Friday, and I go on Tuesday and Saturday.

Somebody asked me if I talk to my wife after making love. I said, "Yes, if she happens to be around at the time."

Lol you guys ain't right at all....:p

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to fool around?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

Nice boys, very nice, lmao.

Henny Youngman would be proud of you guys. I would read these to my wife but ,,,as she has no sense of humor it would be a waste time..

This thread is only good for one thing...Elnut to make some more points with his wife. He already milked this board for wife points several times. The man has no shame.

[QUOTE=Devils Horse;454588]This thread is only good for one thing...Elnut to make some more points with his wife. He already milked this board for wife points several times. The man has no shame.[/QUOTE]

Exactly DH. He knows she gets on here at times. I say if he keeps sucking up to his wife in front of all of us on the board, it might be time to pull his man card!:D

Can we get a board vote on this? (in my best british accent) What say ye?

Aye.

I take my wife everywhere I go. She's so ugly I hate to kiss her goodbye.

Robert, all I can say is that its a good thing you posted this stuff AFTER we all went to Dale Hollow. Someone might have printed this stuff out and given it to her (or at least used it to blackmail you for cigars and bourbon)!

[QUOTE=Tim_T;455200]Robert, all I can say is that its a good thing you posted this stuff AFTER we all went to Dale Hollow. Someone might have printed this stuff out and given it to her (or at least used it to blackmail you for cigars and bourbon)![/QUOTE]

Tim,I thank the Lord that my wife has a great sense of humor.

She'd let my cigars be taken away but you better polish up your boxing skills if you want to take any of her (our) bourbon!!:D