Tim, prayers sent from a father of two girls 14 and 9. As said above love her unconditionally, she's just told you the toughest thing in her life and I'm sure scared to death. Things happen for a reason, hang in there buddy...Chuck
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Tim, prayers sent from a father of two girls 14 and 9. As said above love her unconditionally, she's just told you the toughest thing in her life and I'm sure scared to death. Things happen for a reason, hang in there buddy...Chuck
Yes, please dont feel guilty or bad.
Things are different now, I am 23 and people my parents age and especially my grandparents age were getting married at 16 and popping them out left and right like it was nothing.
On top of that, young people are maturing earlier then ever, it could be from a more complete diet or perhaps even the massive amounts of hormones put in foods today. Then add the general openness of sexuality in todays society as compared to one or two generations ago PLUS the pressure to not just finish high school but also college before settling down is just insane. For young people that are maturing at 12 or 13 to be told to hold in those built up rages for another 10 years is tough ( I am NOT advocating sexual active 12 year olds!!!). Their grandparents probably matured at 13 14 or maybe 15 and were married by the time they were 18.
Im not making any excuses or even hinting at judging your parental practices but these are reasons why I think abstinence is a joke. I am fairly conservative but I think refraining from education and just telling them not to do it wont work.
I have a 2 year old and while I do hope she waits until she is married, I will make sure that she is educated about sex...i will leave the education up to her mom though!
Yes, please dont feel guilty or bad.
Things are different now, I am 23 and people my parents age and especially my grandparents age were getting married at 16 and popping them out left and right like it was nothing.
On top of that, young people are maturing earlier then ever, it could be from a more complete diet or perhaps even the massive amounts of hormones put in foods today. Then add the general openness of sexuality in todays society as compared to one or two generations ago PLUS the pressure to not just finish high school but also college before settling down is just insane. For young people that are maturing at 12 or 13 to be told to hold in those built up rages for another 10 years is tough ( I am NOT advocating sexual active 12 year olds!!!). Their grandparents probably matured at 13 14 or maybe 15 and were married by the time they were 18.
Im not making any excuses or even hinting at judging your parental practices but these are reasons why I think abstinence is a joke. I am fairly conservative but I think refraining from education and just telling them not to do it wont work.
I have a 2 year old and while I do hope she waits until she is married, I will make sure that she is educated about sex...i will leave the education up to her mom though!
I've never been faced with this either so not sure what to say. You're a good man Tim...I don't really know you but I can tell you're a good man, your family is good stock persay...You and your wife have done the best you all know how to do up to this point, and from this point on you will play the hand you've been dealt and continue marching right along handling the situation the best you all know how. Heck, there are no manuals for raising kids as no two are alike anyway...so try to let the feelings of guilt go. Just talk to the man upstairs every now and then.
We all have our stories...just hang in there man! One day at a time...
[QUOTE=JD7.62;376593]Young people are maturing earlier then ever, it could be from a more complete diet or perhaps even the massive amounts of hormones put in foods today.[/QUOTE]
I've thought this very same thing for a long time now..ain't no way them chickens and turkeys were supposed to reproduce and multiply and grow as big and as fast as they do on the commercial farming outfits they have out there.
[QUOTE=Tim_T;376529]Well folks, my wife and I are having a huge struggle right now with a lot of guilt and depression. We found out last night that our 16-year-old daughter is pregnant. This is still hard to comprehend and last night was filled with lots of drinking, talking and crying. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life and if you guys could send some up for us it would be greatly appreciated![/QUOTE]
Tim, I was explaining this to my wife, to ask her to be sure to keep you and your family in her prayers too.
She brought up something that made me smile, and I hope by sharing it with you, it will make you smile...
Just think, in a few short years, you will be taking a [B][I]GRANDchild[/I][/B] out fishing as your fishing partner for that day.:)
How cool will it be for you that day!!!
Just remember all the messages of unconditional love for your daughter and your grandchild, and I think you will be fine. At least we pray that for you and your family.
HDF
Folks, I don't know how to express my thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes. I am still not sure how to deal with this situation, but I know three things that will not happen:
1.) there will not be an abortion.
2.) there will not be a high school dropout in my family, I can change diapers and make bottles, even though it has been awhile since I have done so.
3.) There will not be a marriage. The young man who is the father has been around for quite sometime and is a good guy, but if they want to get married, they will have to wait until my daughter is 18.
Special thanks to bassin_bug, for giving me a woman's point of view. No offense GUYS, but I am trying to deal with my wife of 20 years who is even more broken up than I am. It is going to be a rough ride, but we will make it.
Once again, it is nice to have people who understand and care, even though we met on a fishing information board.
HiDef, I still have all my kids rods and reels that they have outgrown and their single shot .410's and my son's .243. I guess that is the way to look at this, this coming spring I will have a new hunting and fishing partner.
Pastorbass, thinks for the PM's and the encouragement.
Fisheater, I am ready to help with your move, if for no other reason than to be distracted for a bit.
To each and every person on here I really appreciate the support and I will keep you updated. Please keep all of us in your prayers.
Tim
Tim, Thanks for sharing your story with us too, I have a 11 yr old daughter and I REALLY thought what you are going through would be "the end of the world" if I had to deal with it someday. After reading the thoughts, experiences, and comments about this on here, I guess I should not fear it but rather take a different view on the issue. Now I really hope it does not ever happen (sorry, but I am sure you felt the same way before this came about too), but if it does I will have this post saved to look back on, and from the sounds of it I will also have someone (you) to ask MANY questions to at that time.
I wish you and your family all the best and we will remember you in prayer. So you know, we will be asking the Lord to give your daughter strength and you and your wife love and understanding to deal with the upcoming times. Take care brother.
Rob
PS. I also appreciated a woman's point of view on the subject, it definely adds to the topic since I spend 75% of my time in life trying to figure out what the two woman in my life are thinking :)
[QUOTE=cra97;376625]Tim, Thanks for sharing your story with us too, I have a 11 yr old daughter and I REALLY thought what you are going through would be "the end of the world" if I had to deal with it someday. After reading the thoughts, experiences, and comments about this on here, I guess I should not fear it but rather take a different view on the issue. Now I really hope it does not ever happen (sorry, but I am sure you felt the same way before this came about too), but if it does I will have this post saved to look back on, and from the sounds of it I will also have someone (you) to ask MANY questions to at that time.
I wish you and your family all the best and we will remember you in prayer. So you know, we will be asking the Lord to give your daughter strength and you and your wife love and understanding to deal with the upcoming times. Take care brother.
Rob
PS. I also appreciated a woman's point of view on the subject, it definely adds to the topic since I spend 75% of my time in life trying to figure out what the two woman in my life are thinking :)[/QUOTE]
Cra 97 I also grew up with two women in my life my daughter is 40 and I now have one woman living in my house and we have been married 42 years. You are wasting 75% of your time.
[QUOTE=bassin_bug;376589]From a woman's point of view, I can understand how much you are hurting because you know you raised your daughter right and taught her the best values. That alone should erase the self-imposed guilt. When you have done your best, nothing else is required because you have nothing else to give. As someone else has already said, opinions have changed and pregnancy in an unmarried woman is no longer regarded as a disgrace upon the family. If I could step over into yours and your wife's shoes, I would jump into them and welcome your load rather than to have gone through what my husband and I went through.
You see, I have been where you are now and it didn't turn out well. I married a man who had a teenage daughter from a previous marriage. Her mother packed her bags and handed her over to me saying, "You are the best mother for her and I'm giving her to you." She surrendered her parental rights and I gladly adopted the girl. When she was 16 she told us that she was pregnant. My husband and I agreed to give it a few days to soak in so we could think clearly and plan a course of medical care to make sure she and the baby were healthy. We secretly talked about raising the baby so she could finish school; we talked about adoption because she wasn't thrilled about being pregnant. Once we overcame the shock I started talking about buying baby clothes and making a nursery. A week later, on her 17th birthday, she was away from the house and called to speak with her daddy. We thought something was wrong because she sounded different. He said, "Honey, are you okay; is our baby okay?" As coldly and as human can speak she said, "I'm fine now, I had an abortion today." I saw my husband lurch as though an invisible fist had slammed into his stomach; he folded over and fell to his knees and rolled with his face down in the middle of the floor. God help me, I hope I never again hear such cries as came from the depths of my husband's soul. Neither of us could speak for days, all we did was cry. We had lost a baby, a member of our family had been mercilessly murdered and our arms would never hold that precious little angel. We couldn't even give it a funeral, a proper burial, a final resting place; it was forever lost. We didn't get to plead its case or plead for its life; it was murdered to cover its mother's sins. She is now suffering horrible guilt, shame, depression, and is wondering if it was a boy or girl and what it would have been if she had let it live. The abortion has had a traumatic affect on her and she deeply regrets it but it's too late.
This is not what you had planned for your daughter but it's not the end of the world. It will be whatever you make of it so let your daughter know she has your unconditional love. She is probably hurting as bad or worse than you are. In a couple of years you will have a little shadow holding onto your fingers and teaching you a lot of lessons about love. I'm going to pray that it's a boy so you will have a little buddy to keep your fishing stories straight. My prayers are sent for you and your family. God bless and keep you.[/QUOTE]
Bug Your post brought a tears to my eyes my daughter had a still born baby,we did know the sex; it was a boy and we had a burial. I had no idea how tuff it was to lose some one you never saw or held. The sad part is my daughter divorced her husband and I know it was because of this and He is a good man.
As I said Tim T it could be so much worse. One other thing grand children are the best. I can't tell you how special they are.
My wife and I lost our first one due to miscarriage I still think of this from time to time. Tough deal and my wife has really never totally got over that.
[QUOTE=bassin_bug;376589]From a woman's point of view, I can understand how much you are hurting because you know you raised your daughter right and taught her the best values. That alone should erase the self-imposed guilt. When you have done your best, nothing else is required because you have nothing else to give. As someone else has already said, opinions have changed and pregnancy in an unmarried woman is no longer regarded as a disgrace upon the family. If I could step over into yours and your wife's shoes, I would jump into them and welcome your load rather than to have gone through what my husband and I went through.
You see, I have been where you are now and it didn't turn out well. I married a man who had a teenage daughter from a previous marriage. Her mother packed her bags and handed her over to me saying, "You are the best mother for her and I'm giving her to you." She surrendered her parental rights and I gladly adopted the girl. When she was 16 she told us that she was pregnant. My husband and I agreed to give it a few days to soak in so we could think clearly and plan a course of medical care to make sure she and the baby were healthy. We secretly talked about raising the baby so she could finish school; we talked about adoption because she wasn't thrilled about being pregnant. Once we overcame the shock I started talking about buying baby clothes and making a nursery. A week later, on her 17th birthday, she was away from the house and called to speak with her daddy. We thought something was wrong because she sounded different. He said, "Honey, are you okay; is our baby okay?" As coldly and as human can speak she said, "I'm fine now, I had an abortion today." I saw my husband lurch as though an invisible fist had slammed into his stomach; he folded over and fell to his knees and rolled with his face down in the middle of the floor. God help me, I hope I never again hear such cries as came from the depths of my husband's soul. Neither of us could speak for days, all we did was cry. We had lost a baby, a member of our family had been mercilessly murdered and our arms would never hold that precious little angel. We couldn't even give it a funeral, a proper burial, a final resting place; it was forever lost. We didn't get to plead its case or plead for its life; it was murdered to cover its mother's sins. She is now suffering horrible guilt, shame, depression, and is wondering if it was a boy or girl and what it would have been if she had let it live. The abortion has had a traumatic affect on her and she deeply regrets it but it's too late.
This is not what you had planned for your daughter but it's not the end of the world. It will be whatever you make of it so let your daughter know she has your unconditional love. She is probably hurting as bad or worse than you are. In a couple of years you will have a little shadow holding onto your fingers and teaching you a lot of lessons about love. I'm going to pray that it's a boy so you will have a little buddy to keep your fishing stories straight. My prayers are sent for you and your family. God bless and keep you.[/QUOTE]
OMG...thats terrible. Man I don't know what else to say. So sorry for your loss...it hurts thinking about it.