Joke, please add yours!

[QUOTE=Hlleonard;506398]Two Cajun hunters from Lafayette, La. hired a pilot to fly them
to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the
pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose.

They objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and
the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as
yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded..

Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle
the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Boudreaux asked Thibodeaux, "Any
idea where we are?"




Thibodeaux replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed
last year."[/QUOTE]

funny

one morning the teacher asked"how many churches are there in our town" a minute later this little raises his hand. Yes says One! two kfcs and a popeyes also

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best[
patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like
construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over.'

The fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when
]he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.... There's no guts, no ba**s, no brains, and no spine.....Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'

The last time I had sex, and looked up, my wife had this angry scowl onher face! Why he asked. She was standing in the doorway

There are three truths in life:Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

I saw this one on Facebook this morning.

It was so cold this morning that Democrats were seen with their hands in their own pockets.

[QUOTE=Mean Morone;506654]I saw this one on Facebook this morning.

It was so cold this morning that Democrats were seen with their hands in their own pockets.[/QUOTE]

Hahahahaha!! Winner winner chicken dinner!!!!! Sadly what makes it so funny is that it would never happen...

A guy goes to the Dr. to get the results of some tests he had run. The Doc says I got bad news and worse news. Gimme the bad news first, the guy requests. The Doc says, I got the results of your tests back and they show you only have 24 hours to live. Dang the guy says, if that's the bad news what could the worse news be? I got the results back yesterday the Doc says.

You guys may have seen it but keeping the thread going, it ain't fishin but it kinda fun.




This says it all about getting older & the whole aging thing.

An elderly couple, Charlie & Jean, were recently attending church services in Midland , TX .

About halfway through the service, Charlie took a pen and paper out of his pocket, wrote
a note and handed it to Jean.

The note said:" I just let out a silent poot, what do you think I should do?"

Jean scribbled back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot.
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Some Mature Thoughts:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. I'M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I'VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE.

[QUOTE=Tyme2fish;506783]As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot.
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Some Mature Thoughts:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter.
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
20. I'M UNABLE TO REMEMBER WHETHER I'VE SENT YOU THIS BEFORE.[/QUOTE]
That was great!! Hahaha

Do you know why Baptists cannot make love standing up? It is because someone might see them and think they are dancing.