fishin and relationships

[CTFSHWHISKER]

Marriage counseling?? Those people will steal all your money out of your pocket. Been there and done that. Beat her to the punch get the divorce papers ready for her first. Life is too short to live like a prisoner. There is more than one woman out there and there are plenty of women that share your passion for fishing. I would pack my bags, hook up my boat, load up my dog (which, by the way, is man's best friend), and wish her well. Oh yeah, on the way out the door, tell her where she can stick the log. Good Luck

counseling is out she said it won't help,i get it free offered at my work.
i don't have a dog,wish was that easy but there is a little14 mo.old girl that gets me up every moring that i hate to miss out on.see the wifes leverage??
to clear up just a little,she knew well in advance how much i fished,it was not a problem, i do take care of home responsibilities,i don't feel i should go every weekend i'm off,even though i'd like too.i don't take bill money to fish on,i tried the close lake thing,anly 3 miles away,tried the i'll go at night while you are asleep.when i get home sunday morning an try to take a nap,well it don't happen and she sees to it.
stonewall if i didn't know better i'd swear i was your friend...she has no hobby except the mall,every weekend every store.and no friends...
thanks for the input guys..i'm open for any suggestions except quit fishing.
i don't need a counselor,i have access to may with much more experience right here..

[jcb]

What no one seems to be addressing is that if a husband and wife are arguing about fishing time, the problem is not fishing.

I've heard it said here several times in this thread that we should take care of our responsibilities before we go fishing. What are those responsibilities? Providing enough money to put a roof over our family's head and food on the table? Cutting the grass? Fixing the toilet that overflows every time someone takes a dump?

We could meet all of those responsibilities if we lived in Mexico, fished El Salto every day and mailed home money to pay for them.

Our primary responsibility is not to be the provider. You can have a homeless family, doing the best they can, and the dad can be a great dad. Our primary responsibility is to be there. To develop a relationship with our wives and kids that can only be built because we have spent enough time with them to build the trust required.

How much time is that? A lot. I realized this way too late in my own marriage, but I'm glad I did.

Counseling is great, but only if husbands and wives want to change. If they don't, I agree it's a waste of time. But let's be honest: it's not the counseling that wastes the money, it's the refusal to change.
They have great advice to give, especially Christian counselors.

According to one survey, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. One of the primary reasons for this is that many of us, myself included, went into marriage asking "how can my wife meet my needs?" instead of "how can I meet hers"? What I discovered is that once I started asking the second question rather than the first, so did my wife. That's how it's supposed to work, and you never know if it will work until you try it.

Marriage isn't about a peaceful co-existence, she lets me do my thing and I let her do hers. It's about having a partner who you want to share everything with. With a self-centered approach to marriage, you might not get divorced, but you also won't enjoy full the benefits of a true marriage partnership.

That's how to "be a man". We don't make ourselves men by saying "I'm going to do what I want to do, take it or leave it." A two year-old does that, too.

My reasons for believing this way are (a) Scriptural and (b) from my own experience. I used to have a lot of the same problems described in this thread, and today I never knew marriage could be this good. But it was my change that helped my wife to change. Today every day's a great day.

[thebassman30]

jcb,
Right on. Well said.
Mark

[Cheese]

...but there is a little14 mo.old girl that gets me up every moring...

Perhaps this is the key. Do you give her time away from the baby to relax? Do you change the stinky diapers? Do you take care of putting the baby to bed 4 nights a week? Maybe if you gave her more baby-free time, she would give you more fishing time with less resistance. Newborns can put a lot of pressure/stress on a new Mom.

Just my 2 cents, and that is probably all it is worth.

[smljaw]

Lot of good advice here. I have had some of the same issues in my own marriage at different times (most issues usually arise during pre-spawn! You know what I'm talkin' about!!!). Prior to marriage, and 2 kids, I use to play softball 2 nights a week, fish as often as possible and play about 15 rounds of golf per year. As jcb put it, t-i-m-e is the heart of the issue. Spending good, quality time with your wife helps balance out everything else.

I am a work in progress, that's for sure. I do my best to make plans with my wife like I make plans to go fishing. Plan a weekend away with your wife like you make plans to go fishing. Take the lead and make plans. Let her know you have made special plans to be with her. She will really appreciate your leadership!

My 2 cents.

[CTFSHWHISKER]

Perhaps this is the key. Do you give her time away from the baby to relax? Do you change the stinky diapers? Do you take care of putting the baby to bed 4 nights a week? Maybe if you gave her more baby-free time, she would give you more fishing time with less resistance. Newborns can put a lot of pressure/stress on a new Mom.

Just my 2 cents, and that is probably all it is worth.

her idea is if you say time away then you shouldn't be married.I try give her a day,when i mention it then it's a fight..oh so you don't want to spend the day with me,she don't see it as a day for her..as me wanting to be rid of her.Yes i do the diaper thing.I don't get home from work til 11:45 so she is in bed,therefore i get up with her in the morning so the wife can sleep in..I give her baths every other day fix her eats,dress her and spend the morning with her til she naps and i go to work.
I,some of you,and others around seem to see the same control thing,i asked here because of unbiasness,as my family may have.I wanted other opinions.It just seems no matter what i try it don't work.I have not had a rod (fishing)
in my hand since a week before t-giving,been malling and doing what i can to see if it would help,soon imentioned fishing the first warm days it started.
seems no matter what she wants to make a fight of it.i quote her"if couples don't fight they don't love each other"could be why she was divorced the first time..and my mom and dad must hate each other

[TrackerMike]

[

she has no hobby except the mall,every weekend every store.and no friends...

Seems to me, I'd start keeping a log of time and money spent. Play her game and trade dollar for dollar and hour for hour. With the 14 mo. old though, seems she has you by the .................... There does seem to be some kind of underlying control issue. No one can / should tell you how to handle this. Go fish and look within. Only you have the answer that will work for you, and only you have to liove with whatever course you choose to take.

Good Luck & God Bless
Mike