Rob, my name is Dennis, and I am pretty sure there are several members have read about my trials and my rewards over the last couple of years. I have died twice due to surgeries. one I have no memory of, but the other I guess you would have to call an out of body experince. I will tell you I truely believe that there is hope in the afterlife and that we can all be a part of God's plan. I do not know why you were seperated from your mother, and for that matter it is no one else who should shun you or look down upon you for your choice to let her back in your life. There is a popular saying that I see on bumper stickers and wrist bands and it is WWJD, What would Jesus do? Well you answered that question, you took on a challenge that most folks would not do. You said that you can not understand why this all is happening to you. I have end stage renal disease and I depend on dialysis, 3 days a week and four and one half hours at each session. About a month ago I started having more pain and an infection that we have not been able to control. two weeks ago they found that my spleen was enlarged and that there were some sort of growths in it. It is cancer and I start more test this week to see if it has spread. When I first got sick with my kidneys I was so mad at God, I did not drink, or smoke or use illeagle drugs I started working when I was 13 and lead what I considered a good life, I loved my wife and daughter and I did what ever it took to make sure they had everything they needed and most of what they wanted. On the other hand I have a younger brother who has been anything but "good" a mean drunk who takes advantage of every one and every thing and when something goes wrong he blames every one else. My father was just as bad if not worse than my brother, and he had the same kidney disease I have, it is genetic, he died a very slow and painful death at the age of 54, I am 51. When I found out this last bit of news I went out and walked around with a thousand thoughts flying through my head. About midnight it started to rain and there I was standing in the rain like some kind of fool looking up and asking why me what did I do wrong why does all of this happen to me I am the good son I should not be punished. No sooner than I said those words, I was hit with shame through my very soul, I saw a white cross shining on the church not far from our house. How could I be so vain Christ was the perfect Son He never wronged anyone and he suffered for me, I did not ask him to, but he loved us all so much he did it freely he gave his life for me, and undeserving fool of a man. As I stood there it occured to me what did I do to not deserve what I am dealing with, I am no savior I have earned no free pass. I do not know what God has in his plans for me, but I will fight this disease with all I have and pray for help. I will also pray for you my friend. God has made a space in your heart for a woman who may have done you wrong but you are doing what Christ would have, you are forgiving her for your pain by helping her through hers. If your other family members do not understand this it is their loss, you are being a real man. Follow your heart and do what you feel is right. I pray that God will give you the strength that you need and that the last days of you mothers life give her more than peace. You are doing the right thing.

God bless and comfort you

Dennis