When I was 5, I'd been watching rodeo on TV and decided I was cowboy material. Only problem was we didn't have any cows. At a family gathering at my grandparents place a week later I figgered their 600 pound land razor sow hog was a fine place to get my career off the ground.
While the folks were all up in the yard throwing horseshoes and hanging out on the porch I mixed up a bucket of hog shorts and headed for the pen, my 4 year old cousin, Blake in tow.
I tore a strip off an old feed sack for my rope, dumped a little feed in the trough and scaled the fence. I climbed aboard as the sow chowed down, carefully wrapped my rope around her neck and secured my right hand just like I'd seen on TV. The hog didn't seem to mind a bit long as she was eating, I recon a 5 year old climbing around didn't bother her much.
Blake was hopping around in excitement outside the pen, ready for the show. Must've been quite a sight my skinny little butt astride that giant beast.
Didn't have a cowboy hat, but I had my left hand held out and ready when she finished the small amount of feed and raised her head. When she realized I was up there it was absolutely on. She went nuts!
Round and round she spun whilst I flopped around with my legs clamped to her sides and my left arm flapping. I was hollering at the top of my lungs, partly from pure exhilaration, but mostly from terror. My cousin was cheering and throwing sticks in from the peanut gallery. She couldn't shake me loose so she went over to her shed and tried scraping me off up against it. Yehaw I screamed holding up my leg as 600 pounds of hog rubbed up against that old shed so hard it almost fell.
She gave up on the shed, spun a couple of circles and stopped. She was looking at her wallow in the little branch that ran through the middle of her pen. She took off like rocket for the mud. I bailed out in the dirt about half way there, and bolted for the fence just in case she was holding a grudge.
Grimy from head to foot I danced around and hooted with Blake, both of us trying to do sommersaults, neither big enough to pull it off. After a few minutes I decided that was maybe the funnest thing I ever did, and it was time for round two. We both agreed that when she headed for the mud, that was 'the buzzer' for a full ride.
She was more wary this time, but I still managed to get aboard. She cut up a little, but skipped the shed and bolted for the wallow. I climbed up out of the dirt and this time watched her retreat to the edge of the mud. She stood there looking at me like I was stone crazy. I yelled and pointed at her, letting her know I was indeed an extremely bad hombre. I was a rodeo star and she dang well better show some respect. Then I realized it was quiet. Where was the adoring crowd in my cheering section?
Seems all that noise had attracted unwanted attention. My mama was standing where Blake had been, her jaw hanging open in shock, face white as a ghost. Knowing I was in a tight spot I walked over to the fence. She suddenly came to her senses, reached over and snatched me over the fence by an arm. She gave me the worst butt spanking ever, I didn't think she was ever gonna get tired. She was raining down blows to my hiney so fast it seemed like she'd grown some extra arms.
Mama's will be mama's I guess, but it was a shame for her to put an end to such a promising rodeo career.
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