I have been sick for a while now and just this year a new wrinkle has shown up I now have lymphoma on top of end stage renal failure. I some times wonder what I did to deserve all of this and I will see someone else worse off than me and wonder why not me what makes me better than anyone else. I cry alot and wonder what if I don't make it and how will my family handle it without me, I do not cry in front of the family or my friends thank goodness for showers and rain. I don't cry for me but for them what am I putting them through I try not to be gripey and bad tempered but sometimes when you had all you can handle for a while you let fly with a stupid remark. I was on the phone with my doctor in Nashville, my 4 year old grandaughter was in the room, we were talking about a bone biopsy, to try and determine exactly what kid of cancer it is. The Doc said 2 years if your lucky Mr. Wooten and I said 2 years what and he came out with it and told me with the Kidney failure and chemo 2 years would be a good run. I said good bye and I was stunned I had not expected this from a doctor over a phone. My grandaughter looked at me and climbed up gave me a hug and a kiss. In a while I got my self together and went to look for her she was setting on her swing set and looking up toward a tree top and talking. She has a great imagination and has lots of secret friends who usally do all the bad stuff around the house and she will yell at them for getting her in trouble. She saw me standing there and said come here poppy and set down we have to talk. So I set down with her and she said paw look right there at that big fluffy cloud ain't it pretty, and I said yep sure is did you make that cloud, and she said no silly only god can make a cloud, and he can make it go away too. Then she looked me in the eye and took my hand and I swear she sounded twenty four not four. Paw you know god did not make you sick, and I said yes baby I do. Then she looked up at that cloud and said but you know he can make you better, just like that cloud. I was dumb founded and then she said me and him were talking a minute ago paw and he said you were going to be sick but it would be alright cause he said you were mine and I was yours and we both belong to him. Then she said and he told me if I loved him he would take you and keep you safe for me and not let them doctors take you away. Then she said and someday we will all have our own cloud to play on and no one will be sick, but till then you are stuck with me paw cause you ain't going no where except maybe blue gill fishing ok paw, Then the Ice cream truck came over the hill and my little girl had to have 2 dollars hurry paw hurry. I stood in the back yard and stared at that cloud and wished he would speak to me, but the Boss knows a true heart when he sees it and if that little girls says it so I believe her. No matter what, I have one angel on my side already, dirty face and all.
Man to all of those out there who are sick or hurting in some other way I hope you find your angel here on earth, mine just dripped fudge all over my truck seat.

Good luck and God bless
and may his angels always be here for us.