Countrified expressions

[the_donger]

As busy as a one-legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Her daddy must have beat her with the ugly stick.

Does a fat dog fart when you kick it? (Intended to confirm an obvious yes)

Smell ya later.

[offdtop]

lol

Handier than pockets on a shirt.

Shining like a diamond in a goats butt.

Your about as bright as a blown bulb.

Drop you like a toilet lid.

Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye.

You drive like a one eyed taxi cab driver.

Is you just plain stupid boy?

How am I going to get there, pee in my shoe and float?

I'm as smart as a tree full of owls.

[DJD]

lol

Handier than pockets on a shirt.

Shining like a diamond in a goats butt.

Your about as bright as a blown bulb.

Drop you like a toilet lid.

Bend over and kiss your butt goodbye.

You drive like a one eyed taxi cab driver.

Is you just plain stupid boy?

How am I going to get there, pee in my shoe and float?

I'm as smart as a tree full of owls.

LOL! Drop you like a toilet lid! That's funny right there.

[mhall]

Cobra you just got this one zapped, lol. Dude, read the help Dave post, lol.

[MsgMills]

Well, I'll be

You ain't got the sense god gave a goose

Hotter outside than a fresh bred fox in a forest fire

It's so hot outside you could fry an egg on the sidewalk

Ah say...Ah say...boy'a pay attention to me when I'm a talkin to ya....

[offdtop]

Slam you like a screen door in a hurricane.

Colder than a well diggers butt.

Colder than penguin poop.

Hotter than a $2 pistol

That boy's cheese done slid off the cracker.

Your a dash of salt and a pinch of sugar way from a homemade but whoopin

[Cobra190]

Cobra you just got this one zapped, lol. Dude, read the help Dave post, lol.

Apolagies all! Didn't mean to go over the line, just stating them as I grew up hearing them.

[Tim_T]

I am sure everybody's dad told them at one time or another "Boy I brought you into this world and I can dang sure take you out of it!"

[offdtop]

or shut the door boy were you raised in a barn?

[ryan_ekubass]

its colder than reindeer nutz....out there

snowballs chance in heck...

ive stepped over bigger piles of crap than u....

hes gonna woop him like a red headed step child....

i personally like when people say we went to school today... up in the holler they dont have school... its something else..... its scooo.....

we went to scoo today..... dont anyone from the hills take that the wrong way its just kinda funny....

[offdtop]

Fuller than a tick on a dogs ear

Uglier than homade soap

So busy I don't know whether to poop or wind my watch

In regards to someone acting "not so bright":
He's a few beers short of a 6-pack
He's a few cigerettes short of a full pack
He's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree
The tree's up but none of the lights

[bassin_bug]

He's three sheets in the wind.

He's higher than a kite.

I'll set the seat of your britches on fire.

He's higher than a Georgia pine.

Them boys is full of white lightnin.

I'll be on your faster than a crow on roadkill.

Boy, I'll turn you ever which way but loose.

I'm going to see mama n'nem.

I'll slap the snot out of you.

She knocked him cross-eyed.

He dropped her faster than a dirty diaper.

Whatchamadabout?

She's skinny as a rail.

Somebody ought to tar and feather him and tie him to a raft.