"If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn`t buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed."
-Can't argue too much with this one. It's true that most if not all people that want all guns banned are on the left. But I would submit that most liberals don't really want "all guns outlawed."

"If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
lf a liberal doesn't like meat, he wants all meat products banned."
-This one has me scratching my head. Surely you're not saying all liberals are PETA members? I don't know who else "wants all meat products banned."

"If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect."
-Because what you call "legislated respect" is the only way for them to gain the same civil rights the rest of us Americans enjoy! They're not asking for "special rights," just to be treated like the rest of us.

"If a conservative is down-and-out, he tries to better his situation.
A liberal wants to know who is going to fix it for him."
-I would rephrase this to "Conservative politicians want down-and-out people to fend for themselves or starve, whereas liberals are willing to offer them some help."

"If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals want to silence those they don't like, or with whom they disagree."
-I don't know how you can post this with a straight face, especially when you're talking about "talk show hosts" in particular. The only talk about "silencing" talk show hosts that I recall was about Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O'Donnell, because of them being lesbian, and it sure as hell wasn't coming from the left!

"If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
If a liberal is a non-believer he wants any mention of religion silenced."
-Not too far off the mark. I do wish more people would realize that we can keep church and state separate without removing every reference to religion.

"If a conservative needs health insurance he shops for it, or looks for a job that will provide it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us provide for it."
-Now THIS lie I do find just a little offensive. When I didn't have health insurance, I paid for what little medical care I received out of my own pocket. Mostly, I just did without. Then I went and did what you say only conservatives do; I went and got a job that provided it.

"A conservative will read this and have a good laugh.
A liberal will read this and be offended."

I guess the point of the post was to be entertaining, not to be truthful. ROFLMAO! THERE! I'm a conservative!