Great replies for a High Stress Day

[HURRICANEBOB]

These crack me up. Great short one liners to shut down rude people on those days when you just can't get it all done. Some are great for women or men, and some for both:

EXPRESSIONS FOR HIGH STRESS DAYS
Replies to rude people:
You - Off my planet!
Earth is full. Go home.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
Is it time for your medication or mine?
Nice perfume. Must you marinade in it?
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

How is my day going?
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
I’m not crazy; I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years
Allow me to introduce my-selves.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren’t asleep.

How is my job going?
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
I’m just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
Chaos, panic, and disorder—my work here is done.

[kygorski]

i hear voices, and they say bad things about you!

[HURRICANEBOB]

i hear voices, and they say bad things about you!

Trust them.

[GeoFisher]

I used the FLUSH one on an indian contractor today................he had this confused look for a few seconds until one of his friends told him I called him a piece of crap.......

Then, in his best english........"geeeeeooooooooooojjjjjjjj......... ..you asssssssshhhhhhhhhhooooooooooollllllllllllleeeeeee eeeeeee".

I died....

Later,

Geo

[RoadToad]

I've printed those out, and I'm taking them to work. I may even add one of them to my email signature.

[HURRICANEBOB]

I used the FLUSH one on an indian contractor today................he had this confused look for a few seconds until one of his friends told him I called him a piece of crap.......

Then, in his best english........"geeeeeooooooooooojjjjjjjj......... ..you asssssssshhhhhhhhhhooooooooooollllllllllllleeeeeee eeeeeee".

I died....

Later,

Geo

Glad to be of service my friend.