Hi Elnut, I am not surprised you are feeling down and out. Who wouldnt if they have gone through what you have gone through. You are the strongest person I have ever known to go through all the pain and suffering you have. You have to be strong and a survivor to do that. But there is nothing worse in the world than physical pain. I have been through alot of emotional pain but when my back goes out and I scream in pain to get out of bed and have to lay in bed for a week. I get very depressed. I think you should give some thought to trying anti-depressants. They will give you the extra help you need to get through the hard times. It will take 3-4 weeks to feel the results but you will feel better. It will help you to deal with the pain and your situation better. The best part is that you will feel mentally better. Also the chores you did around the house are a good idea to keep busy. It is time to think of another hobby you can do indoors like woodworking to keep your mind off your pain. Just some thoughts I had. Margie