Joke, please add yours!

[waterdog101]

A Little Humor

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.' The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'

The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. 'What did I tell you?...' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'

The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'

[waterdog101]

an overbearing police officer.......
A Michigan Sheriff stops at a ranch in rural MI and talks with an old farmer.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.'

The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'

The Sheriff verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Sheriff’s Department with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.

Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and spies the Sheriff running for his life and close behind is the farmer's bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified.

The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..... 'Your badge! Show him your badge

[kygorski]

The lady answers the phone. Heavy breathing. the a raspy voice says "Ill bet tou got a tighta--. and no hair." yes she says, he's watching TV whom shall I say is calling?

[GeoFisher]

A mother passing by her daughters bedroom was astonished 2 see the bed was nicely made & everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom".

With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands:

"Dear Mum,

It is with great regret & sorrow that im writing 2 u, i had 2 elope with my new boyfriend because i wanted 2 avoid a scene with u & Dad.

I've been finding real passion with him & he is so nice, even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard & motorcycle clothes. But its not just the passion Mum, im pregnant & he said that we will b very happy.

He already owns a trailor in the woods & has a stack of firewood 4 the whole winter.

He wants 2 have many more children with me & that is now one of my dreams 2.

He taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone & we'll b growing it 4 us & trading it with his friends 4 all the cocaine & ecstasy we want.

In the meantime we'll pray that science finds a cure 4 AIDS so he can get better, he sure deserves it!

Don't worry Mum, im 15yrs old now & i know how 2 take care of myself.

Someday im sure we'll b back 2 visit so u can get 2 know yr grandchildren.

Yr daughter, Sophie...

P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbors house.

I just wanted 2 remind u that there r worse things in life than my report card thats in my desk top drawer.

I love u! Call me when it is safe 2 come home.."

[GeoFisher]

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying ******* told you I was speeding too.