fishin and relationships

[Tyme2fish]

You don't have a relationship. You are a slave. Let her keep her log. I'd go out and buy her a big ol' ream of paper and say, "Start writing."

[BanditMan]

It's called a hobby, or a sickness. Who cares just go fish. There will be a time when she has something that she likes and by all means let her go. The away time is very healthy for both. My wife is in Ecuador for ten days on a medical mission trip, I'm not keeping a log. Me and the two year old know it's called building points for our very rare screw ups. LOL But you need to talk with her and explain this hobby is being killed by fuel prices and before long you will be home ALL the time, then your love and attention will be there ALL the time. ALL THE TIME. After a year of that she will probably take you fishing, but do not fall for the " Hey honey try on these new concrete boots I got you trick"...

[thebassman30]

the video on the front page makes me realize i am not alone in this situation so ..

Yikes! It sounds like she is trying to control you....that can only lead to disaster. Get counseling first.

I would recommend talking with her about your needs to fish...and get out on the water. At the same time, she is going to have some needs your not meeting. If you're doing your job...assuming she's not mental, sick or heavily medicated...you'll get out. Your job being self-sacrifice and showing her she's more important than anything.

I'm 36 and use to have the same problem for the first 15 years of our relationship. Then through some counseling we got it all on the table. Now, I go 4-5 days a month....basically every other weekend on the moons. She knows how much it means to me to get out and how it benefits our relationship/her.

Good luck friend!
Mark

[thebassman30]

Correction Mark. All the money AND all the .............

Lol. Unless she falls for the concrete shoes trick....too funny.

[drew238]

Jerry, Eddie said it feels like you are cheating on him.

[MSD]

Marriage counseling?? Those people will steal all your money out of your pocket. Been there and done that. Beat her to the punch get the divorce papers ready for her first. Life is too short to live like a prisoner. There is more than one woman out there and there are plenty of women that share your passion for fishing. I would pack my bags, hook up my boat, load up my dog (which, by the way, is man's best friend), and wish her well. Oh yeah, on the way out the door, tell her where she can stick the log. Good Luck

[CTFSHWHISKER]

Marriage counseling?? Those people will steal all your money out of your pocket. Been there and done that. Beat her to the punch get the divorce papers ready for her first. Life is too short to live like a prisoner. There is more than one woman out there and there are plenty of women that share your passion for fishing. I would pack my bags, hook up my boat, load up my dog (which, by the way, is man's best friend), and wish her well. Oh yeah, on the way out the door, tell her where she can stick the log. Good Luck

counseling is out she said it won't help,i get it free offered at my work.
i don't have a dog,wish was that easy but there is a little14 mo.old girl that gets me up every moring that i hate to miss out on.see the wifes leverage??
to clear up just a little,she knew well in advance how much i fished,it was not a problem, i do take care of home responsibilities,i don't feel i should go every weekend i'm off,even though i'd like too.i don't take bill money to fish on,i tried the close lake thing,anly 3 miles away,tried the i'll go at night while you are asleep.when i get home sunday morning an try to take a nap,well it don't happen and she sees to it.
stonewall if i didn't know better i'd swear i was your friend...she has no hobby except the mall,every weekend every store.and no friends...
thanks for the input guys..i'm open for any suggestions except quit fishing.
i don't need a counselor,i have access to may with much more experience right here..

[fishbum]

the video on the front page makes me realize i am not alone in this situation so i thought i'd ask,how many of us on here have a problemed relationship or failed one,marriage or not due to the fishin drug.I have been told the first time i go to a tournament i will recieve divorce papers,she even gets ticked if i go all night with my dad.How can this be dealt with,I went from going every weekend to getting to go about 9 time all last year and with drawls are killing me,i get irritated and very grouchy if i don't get my fishin fix.she even keeps a log of how long i'm gone. help from others that have had this problem..

First year I was married I got into an argument with my wife..
She bitched about the money I was spending on Fishing. I bitched about her smoking.. I said you spend $7.00 a week on Cigarettes .. she said NO I DON'T I SPEND A DOLLAR A DAY.. she realized almost as fast as I DID, that she had lost the argument at that point.. since then no problems with fishing..plus I make a living on it now too. That seems to mitigate it some though her parents are constantly giveing me **** about my traveling.

[jcb]

What no one seems to be addressing is that if a husband and wife are arguing about fishing time, the problem is not fishing.

I've heard it said here several times in this thread that we should take care of our responsibilities before we go fishing. What are those responsibilities? Providing enough money to put a roof over our family's head and food on the table? Cutting the grass? Fixing the toilet that overflows every time someone takes a dump?

We could meet all of those responsibilities if we lived in Mexico, fished El Salto every day and mailed home money to pay for them.

Our primary responsibility is not to be the provider. You can have a homeless family, doing the best they can, and the dad can be a great dad. Our primary responsibility is to be there. To develop a relationship with our wives and kids that can only be built because we have spent enough time with them to build the trust required.

How much time is that? A lot. I realized this way too late in my own marriage, but I'm glad I did.

Counseling is great, but only if husbands and wives want to change. If they don't, I agree it's a waste of time. But let's be honest: it's not the counseling that wastes the money, it's the refusal to change.
They have great advice to give, especially Christian counselors.

According to one survey, 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. One of the primary reasons for this is that many of us, myself included, went into marriage asking "how can my wife meet my needs?" instead of "how can I meet hers"? What I discovered is that once I started asking the second question rather than the first, so did my wife. That's how it's supposed to work, and you never know if it will work until you try it.

Marriage isn't about a peaceful co-existence, she lets me do my thing and I let her do hers. It's about having a partner who you want to share everything with. With a self-centered approach to marriage, you might not get divorced, but you also won't enjoy full the benefits of a true marriage partnership.

That's how to "be a man". We don't make ourselves men by saying "I'm going to do what I want to do, take it or leave it." A two year-old does that, too.

My reasons for believing this way are (a) Scriptural and (b) from my own experience. I used to have a lot of the same problems described in this thread, and today I never knew marriage could be this good. But it was my change that helped my wife to change. Today every day's a great day.

[thebassman30]

jcb,
Right on. Well said.
Mark

[Cheese]

...but there is a little14 mo.old girl that gets me up every moring...

Perhaps this is the key. Do you give her time away from the baby to relax? Do you change the stinky diapers? Do you take care of putting the baby to bed 4 nights a week? Maybe if you gave her more baby-free time, she would give you more fishing time with less resistance. Newborns can put a lot of pressure/stress on a new Mom.

Just my 2 cents, and that is probably all it is worth.

[smljaw]

Lot of good advice here. I have had some of the same issues in my own marriage at different times (most issues usually arise during pre-spawn! You know what I'm talkin' about!!!). Prior to marriage, and 2 kids, I use to play softball 2 nights a week, fish as often as possible and play about 15 rounds of golf per year. As jcb put it, t-i-m-e is the heart of the issue. Spending good, quality time with your wife helps balance out everything else.

I am a work in progress, that's for sure. I do my best to make plans with my wife like I make plans to go fishing. Plan a weekend away with your wife like you make plans to go fishing. Take the lead and make plans. Let her know you have made special plans to be with her. She will really appreciate your leadership!

My 2 cents.