Intro to "My Neck of The Woods"

[bassin_bug]

My husband drove me to my home in AL about a week and a half ago, got home last night. I insisted on going before I have to see the new doctor because I don't know what all they may decide to do and it might be six months before I could go if I didn't go then.

Was thinking about having a section of timber thinned out and couldn't walk it so Sweetie Pie volunteered to drive me around the outer perimeter of the whole estate since he had never seen the back side of it....in his $35k, freshly detailed, truck. I kept telling him we would drive about 1-1/2 miles down a gravel road, that was in good shape, and turn around where that road runs into another one. When we got to that road he asked, "Which way now?" I said, "Turn around and go back; remember we had 5 tornadoes with lots of rain in this county two days ago and we might get stuck in the mud." He reminded me we were riding in an Off-Road truck with 4-wd, and a big powerful engine; the road 'looked' like the one we had just come in on; and he wanted to turn one way or the other. I told him that if he turned right we would go past the oil well (not mine) and come out on the highway. If he turned left we would have to drive through two creeks about 1/2 mile apart and through the swamp...not advisable, but we would eventually find a paved road. He turned LEFT and I knew he didn't hear the word "swamp" and was about to be introduced to my neck of the woods. I pulled my seat belt as tight as I could....and still live, positioned my head against the headrest, pushed my feet tightly against the floorboard and watched. About that time we went down a dry hill, saw the first shallow creek, drove through it and into the wonderful hell of THE SWAMP. He hadn't noticed that those deep ruts were made (1) before the tornadoes and (2) they were made by hunters riding ATVs. We ripped, roared, and spun through them and came to the next creek with gravel bottom. Yep, Sweetie Pie was sure he had it made but it turned into more of the same and the road suddenly ran out (or so he thought). There were trails going left, trails going right, at least a hundred of them and he couldn't decide which way to go, they were ATV trails. I told him we were on the main road but the problem was that swamp from hell was filled with surprises, 20 winding miles of them. Just as he found a place with somewhat dryer ground he had to go through a small mudhole with thick green water and I told him to roll up his window, which he refused to do. It was stinky and I knew what lay ahead; another larger mudhole filled with the same, only deeper. He gunned the truck and the front wheels shot a load of that stinking water onto his left shoulder and into the back seat.....hog sheet! I neglected to tell him the swamp was full of wild hogs and he had just found their favorite feeding grounds.

There was no place to stop and it was impossible to turn around and go back which meant keep moving and live with the stinking hog wallow until we got home. At the end of that road I saw an opening and it was a paved road that I knew well and pointed it out to him. His freshly detailed truck was covered with mud and smelled like a hog pen..er, hog sheet. I announced that he had just discovered my neck of the woods and I hoped he enjoyed his little off-road trip. He snapped back, "If it isn't paved with concrete or asphalt, don't talk to me about going!" to which I answered, "You should listen to your wife more often." roflmbo

[Big Gills]

haha good story Bugs Why didnt he just turn right???

[RoadToad]

What? And take directions from a female? Man Law strictly forbids that!

[bassin_bug]

haha good story Bugs Why didnt he just turn right???

I really have no idea why he didn't turn right except maybe he thought he would see where the road came out believing it would be just a short ride or more interesting.

[FlyLie]

Good One....Great!!!!
But you know, it's a MAN THING , Just dont' ask!

[Tim_T]

Directions? We are men, we don't need no stinking directions!

[Big Gills]

haha so if men dont ask directions what do you do if you get lost and your wife or girlfriend is not there to help?

[DJD]

I think you need to buy a nice UTV or a couple of ATV's sounds like he really wants one!

[Tim_T]

haha so if men dont ask directions what do you do if you get lost and your wife or girlfriend is not there to help?

Gills, we do not get lost, sometimes we just are not sure of where we are! The worst part is when you get lost and your wife and girlfriend are both there to help!

[Big Gills]

Gills, we do not get lost, sometimes we just are not sure of where we are! The worst part is when you get lost and your wife and girlfriend are both there to help!

hahah now that is a good one TIm. LOL

[DJD]

I was using a GPS (once!) and I elected to have the british female voice instead of the male. So a little direction from a female is ok!

[bassin_bug]

I think you need to buy a nice UTV or a couple of ATV's sounds like he really wants one!

Yes, he mentioned something about buying an ATV and riding with my cousins. I would like to see him ride through that swamp with those wild boys. The initiation ride would have him covered with mud like the truck was and I'm afraid the ATV would be riding him before it was over. lol

This is a little bit off the topic but still typically Sweetie Pie. We started dating while I was a student at Bama and he was working at his sister's Chrysler dealership. They accepted a nice looking Harley Davidson Sportster as trade-in on a new car but nobody there knew how to give it a test ride (they were afraid to try it). I was on my way home from school and saw it parked out front, wheeled in and asked him who was riding that beauty. They told me the story and I asked him to bring me the keys and let me listen to it. He was so embarrassed that his girlfriend would think of doing such an unladylike thing but reluctantly brought me the keys and "strolled" back out of the way to see what happened next. MEN! By then all the salesmen and mechanics were standing in a group waiting to see this dumb blonde have the crash of the century.

I strapped on the helmet, straddled the bike, cranked it and rode a couple of loops around the dealership to get the feel of the balance. That's when I spotted the men huddled in a group watching me and giggling. I couldn't resist the next temptation so I turned onto the street, popped a wheelie, and roared off for a short ride. I came back in and parked the bike, dropped the keys into his hand and said, "I believe your salesman made a good deal." If dirty looks could kill, I would have died right then. I gave him a hug and told him that I would see him and the sales manager at a dinner party we were having that night.

Just as I walked in the door of my apartment the phone rang. It was one of the salesmen calling asking me to come back to the dealership and bring my first aid kit and treat Sweetie Pie. His pride had gotten the best of him and he thought he could do what I did although he had never ridden a motorcycle before. He tried to kick-start it and it kicked back, skinning his leg from his ankle to his knee. lol

He limped in for the dinner party and was sitting with his leg propped up when we got another phone call. This time from the sales manager who decided that he would just ride the bike to the party; I had also wounded his pride. He had never ridden one either but did manage to crank it and ride a couple of miles before riding it off the road and down into a kudzu filled ravine. My brother-in-law went to pick him up and he was a mess with a skinned chin when he arrived at the party. I think they drank about a gallon of Crown Royal to ease the pain.

That's when I told them that test riding that bike wasn't my first "rodeo" and I had been both a Motorcross and Hare and Hound racer for a few years. Sweetie Pie said, "You know YOU could have gotten hurt when you popped that wheelie and took off like a rocket."